|“||Are you embarrassed of me because I’m a has-been? Because you know that I’m writing that book that is going to make everybody love me again!||”|
"BoJack Horseman: The BoJack Horseman Story, Chapter One" is the series premiere of the Netflix original series BoJack Horseman. This episode, along with the rest of Season 1, aired on August 22, 2014.
The episode begins with BoJack on set for an interview focusing on his life, eighteen years after his hit sitcom Horsin' Around ended. BoJack hastily defends his show was good but fails to answer what he has done for his career afterwards.
It is revealed BoJack is working to get a memoir of himself published but is doing a poor job as he mainly loafs around his house with his live-in transient friend Todd and largely ignores the advice of his on-again, off-again girlfriend and agent, Princess Carolyn.
Both Princess Carolyn and BoJack's publisher suggest BoJack use a ghostwriter to finish the book, while Todd encourages BoJack to meet the ghostwriter by throwing a party, with the dual intent of making the party a quinceañera for a drug cartel lord's daughter to repay a debt, unbeknownst to BoJack. BoJack then suffers a mild anxiety attack when he explains his fear of an unsuccessful memoir dooming him from becoming relevant in the public's eyes again, and is hospitalized shortly after.
When BoJack finally throws his party/quinceañera, he meets Diane, his ghostwriter. The two manage to hit it off well until Diane introduces to BoJack that her boyfriend is Mr. Peanutbutter, BoJack's sitcom rival. The episode ends with BoJack uncontrollably throwing up cotton candy at the revelation.
|Will Arnett||...||BoJack Horseman|
|Amy Sedaris||...||Princess Carolyn|
|Alison Brie||...||Diane Nguyen / Olivia|
|Paul F. Tompkins||...||Mr. Peanutbutter|
|Aaron Paul||...||Todd Chavez|
|Chris Cox||...||Additional Voices|
|Jon Daly||...||Additional Voices|
|Nicholas Gonzalez||...||Cartel Man|
|Patton Oswalt||...||Charlie Rose / Pinky Penguin / Doctor|
|Kristen Schaal||...||Sarah Lynn|
|J. K. Simmons||...||Lenny Turteltaub|
|Fred Tatasciore||...||Additional Voices|
|Heléne Yorke||...||Additional Voices|
- There is a reference to The Jerry Lewis Show on the TV.
- The Wilhelm scream can be heard when someone falls out of Penguin Publishing.
- Charlie Rose: In 1987, the situation comedy Horsin' Around premiered on ABC. The show, in which a young, bachelor horse is forced to reevaluate his priorities when he agrees to raise three human children, was initially dismissed by critics as "broad" and "saccharine" and "not good". But the family comedy struck a chord with America and went on to air for nine seasons. The star of Horsin' Around, BoJack Horseman, is our guest tonight. Welcome, BoJack.
- BoJack: It is good to be here, Charlie. Sorry I was late. The traffic...
- Charlie Rose: It's really no problem.
- BoJack: I parked in a handicapped spot, I hope that's okay.
- Charlie Rose: You parked in a—?
- BoJack: I'm sorry, disabled spot. Is that the... proper... nomenclature?
- Charlie Rose: Maybe you should move the car.
- BoJack: No, I don't think I should drive right now. I'm-I'm incredibly drunk.
- Charlie Rose: You're telling me that you're drunk right now?
- BoJack: Is it just me, or am I nailing this interview? I kind of feel like I'm nailing it.
- Charlie Rose: Yes. Anyway, we were talking about Horsin' Around. To what do you attribute the show's wide appeal?
- BoJack: Charlie, listen, y'know, I know that it's very hip these days to shit all over Horsin' Around, but at the time, I can tell you— Is it okay to say "shit"?
- Charlie Rose: Please don't.
- BoJack: 'Cause I— I think the show's actually pretty solid for what it is. It's not Ibsen, sure—but look, for a lot of people, life is just one long, hard kick in the urethra. And sometimes, when you get home from a long day of getting kicked in the urethra, you just want to watch a show about good, likeable people who love each other. Where, y'know, no matter what happens, at the end of 30 minutes... everything's gonna turn out okay. Y'know, because in real life... Did I already say the thing about the urethra?
- Charlie Rose: Well, let's talk about real life. What have you been doing since the show's cancellation eighteen years ago?
- BoJack: That's a great question, Charlie. I, uh... Uh, I... [beat] Ummm...
- Todd: Morning, sunshine! [BoJack groans] Why so gloomy, roomy?
- BoJack: First of all, we're not roommates. You are my houseguest.
- Todd: Well, we don't need to put labels on things.
- BoJack: You sleep on my couch and you don't pay rent. I've had tapeworms that are less parasitic. I don't even remember why I let you stay with me in the first place.
- Todd: Because my parents kicked me out and I had nowhere to go, and even though you don't want anyone to know it—
- [BoJack turns on the blender for Todd to finish his sentence before turning it off]
- Todd: ...you secretly have a good heart.
- BoJack: You told me they didn't approve of your "alternative lifestyle". I thought you were, like, a troubled gay teen or something. I didn't realize by "alternative lifestyle" that you meant you were lazy.
- Todd: That's on you for making assumptions. Also, if you're looking for the Toaster Strudels, I got really high last night and ate them all.
- [BoJack groans and he shuts the compartment door]
- Todd: Did you say you've had tapeworms?
- BoJack: Look just give me one more week, and I will give you some pages that’ll knock you’re ass back to the South Pole.
- Pinky Penguin: I’m from Cincinnati.
- BoJack: 'Neigh way, Jose!' I improvised that line. I mean, it was scripted, but I gave it the ol' BoJack spin.
- Todd: Are you drunk?
- BoJack: Todd, I weigh 1200 pounds. It takes a lot of beer to get me drunk (pan out to reveal multiple empty bottles and cans of alcohol)
- BoJack: Yes
- BoJack: We’re actually in the middle of breaking up right now, so if you could just..
- Mr. Peanutbutter: You’re in the middle of it?
- BoJack: Yeah that’s right.
- Mr. Peanutbutter: So would it be awkward if I joined you right now?
- BoJack:Yes, actually, it’s very awkward, is that not clear?
- Mr. Peanutbutter: Yeah? This is awkward right now?
- BoJack: Yes, please leave.
- Princess Carolyn: I don't know how you expect me to love you when you so clearly hate yourself.
- BoJack: As my agent, do you think I'm getting fat?
- Princess Carolyn: No way. You are in the prime of your life; you've never looked better!
- BoJack: And as my ex-girlfriend?
- Princess Carolyn: You look like a pile of crap ate a second pile of crap and then crapped out a third pile of crap.
- BoJack: Wait, so, which pile of crap am I?
- Princess Carolyn: The third one.
- BoJack: What? That's the worst one!
- Princess Carolyn: So, are you available for Tuesday, or are you gonna be too busy masturbating to old pictures of yourself?
- BoJack: I told you, that's not what was happening that time. I was masturbating to what the picture represented! You walked in at the worst possible moment.
- Todd: Do you just take those DVDs with you everywhere you go?
- BoJack: Linus walked around with a blanket, no one gave him shit for that.
- Mafia Boss: Señor Horseman, I will never forget your generosity today. You have made a powerful ally... for life! [smooches BoJack's cheek] Let's dance!
- BoJack: Todd, who was that guy? Who are all these people?
- Todd: Oh, you know, just a variety of folks from all walks of life.
- BoJack: Is this a quinceañera?
- Todd: Oh, so any party with Mexican teenage girls is a quinceañera. Now who's racist?
- BoJack: (on Mr. Peanutbutter) Hes so stupid he doesn’t realize how miserable he should be. I envy that.
- Diane: Do you know the story of the dad from The Brady Bunch?
- BoJack: The dad from The Brady Bunch? As I recall, he was raising three boys of his own. They were four men living all together, but they were all alone. That is profoundly sad.
- Diane: No, the story is that the guy who played the dad hated being on The Brady Bunch because he was a real actor, and he considered it beneath him. Sound familiar?
- BoJack: That's not all that was beneath him! ...Gay joke. Sorry, I'm better than that.
- Diane: Most people don't even get to do The Brady Bunch version of the thing they want to do with their lives. You're actually in a really good position now, because you can pretty much do anything you want. You're responsible for your own happiness, you know?
- BoJack: Good Lord, that's depressing.
- Diane: No, it's not.
- BoJack: I'm responsible for my own happiness? I can't even be responsible for my own breakfast!
- [In a flashback, BoJack is shown trying to pour cereal into a bowl. Only a few pieces come out at first, but then all of it comes out, overflowing onto the table.]
- BoJack: [groaning] Todd! I need help!